Caolionn O'Connell

Quote

Caltech seems to have an ongoing love affair with one of the hottest physicists, ever: Richard Feynman. Nary a Caltech publication is printed without some mention of Feynman. Understandably, since the man was not only brilliant but s-e-x-y and, towards the end of his life, he was downright dashing. I have yet to meet a female physicist who didn't have a preference for Feynman, so it makes sense that Caltech really hasn't gotten over losing him.

In honor of Caltech and their heartbreak I give you a quote from Feynman:

Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.

How could you not love the man?

Like a 5 year old

Sometimes I really want someone to explain it to me like I'm a five year old (except without the condescension). Stop assuming I know what the hell you are talking about and just walk me through it step-by-step using only simple words. I don't want an equation. I don't want jargon. I want to understand intuitively. I want a picture in my brain. I want to know exactly how you went from the experimental set-up to the results, no matter how "trivial" or "obvious" it might be. Nobody appreciates the five year old and everyone assumes a specialist.

After reading multiple papers and several library books, I found the book that explained it to me like a five year old and, finally, it all makes sense. Thank God.

One topic down ... too many to count left to go.

Censorship is UnAmerican

September 24th - October 1st is Banned Books Week.

Go ahead. Be subversive. Read a dirty book. Consider it your patriotic duty.

Death Canyon

I have now encountered death twice in Death Canyon and I am done. Okay, maybe I am being overly dramatic here, but I have been very forthright in my dislike of wild animals. Considering my less than heroic reaction to wild turkeys, you can imagine my visions of the grim reaper when faced with a bear only 30 feet away.

I met the bear on the same trail two years ago and vowed to avoid him this time. I bought bear bells and a yodeled around every corner. Yes, I yodeled. My whistles aren't really loud enough and I figured yodeling is better than show tunes, as I had company. I even brushed up on proper bear etiquette: slowly back out of its path, avoid eye contact, speak softly, wave your hands above your head slowly and never turn your back on a bear. I was ready. I saw bears in every sudden movement out of the corner of my eye. Between the running water and the quaking Aspens, I saw 20 fake-out bears before we even turned around.

On our way back down, I was breathing a sigh of relief. Sam had stopped to take a picture when I saw my 21st bear rustling in the berries. Unfortunately, this one was real. Throwing my sanity to the wind, I ran. It seems I have no problem sacrificing Sam, my aunt and uncle in the name of self-preservation.

I am ashamed to admit I am exactly the person to avoid when in a crisis. I am all about following my gut, not my head and when given the opportunity – I am totally feeding you to the bears.

It's mine.

So apart from the general inconvenience a name like mine poses, it is always good for one thing. No I will never be able to buy the pre-made personalized mug, but when I choose a username, "caolionn" is always available. Always. All the John's, Jane's and Jessica's eat your heart out. You have to rotate through the various Jane0014 options before reaching success. I don't have that problem. My name is special and I like it that way.

For the last year, my IM username has been caolionn on a .mac account. Recently, they have been asking for money for this account. Since I am of the belief that I should not pay others to enable my slacker tendencies (a lesson learned after one too many NYT crossword puzzles), I said no and lost the account. Luckily, AIM understands that if a person wants to engage in mindless chatter, they should be allowed to do so for free. As per usual, I signed up for username caolionn and now I am pissed. Someone has stolen my username. How is that possible? What are they saying with my username? I am a little curious about who they are. I wonder if I can crank IM ...

Sweet Dreams.

Having problems sleeping? Do you lie awake at night thinking about all the things you need to do? Does your bed-mate steal all the covers and wallop you in the head with a stray elbow, thereby making it impossible to continuously sleep for more than one hour intervals? Are you too embarrassed to have Sophie Kinsella's Can You Keep A Secret? or Tom Clancy's Without Remorse on your bed side table?

I have a solution for you:

My Thesis.

Guaranteed to put you to sleep. When bound, it makes for an excellent shield against wayward elbows and packs its own form of whoop-ass when appropriately applied. Also it makes you look all physics-y having it on your night stand.

If you actually do read it, I do not want to hear about a single typo. Should you find one, keep it to yourself, otherwise I might be inclined to hunt you down and kill you for cruelty.

A moment of schmaltz: Although not actually mentioned in the acknowledgments, I would also like to say thank you to all the QD readers who shared their own thesis-writing struggles as I went through mine. It did make me feel a lot better to know I am not the only one who has trouble formulating a grammatically correct sentence and a faulty simulation is not nearly as bad as it gets. The support and words of comfort made me feel all warm and fuzzy. So thank you. Ok, feel free to barf now and move on.

* Thanks, Helge, for letting me know it's available. It had to go through SLAC patent review process before being ready for public consumption. Surprisingly, it doesn't look like you can patent a 2-mile electron accelerator as a convenient method for producing plasma. Drat.

Mother Knows Best

Today's New York Times article, Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood, irritates the crap out of me. I hate that there is still an expectation one must choose between career and motherhood. I hate that making such a choice is considered "realistic". I hate the fact that this issue is still mostly felt by women. I hate that I feel compelled to schedule a baby such that it would have the least impact on my experiment. Yes, I would actually feel genuinely guilty if I got pregnant while working. And I hate that the guilt is completely self-inflicted, since I have felt no external pressures in that regard. I hate that the feminist movement didn't bring about the change it promised. I hate that as much as I swear both can be done, my sister, mother of two and part-time prosecutor, continually tells me otherwise.

Yes, I know men are becoming more involved (e.g. David's sabbatical at home with Zoe). Yes, I know parenting duties are attended to by both parents these days. And yes, Debbie has shown that it is possible (Sophie, Sandra and Rosa too). But I can tell you right now, Sam isn't lying awake at night thinking how best to merge a biological clock and a career trajectory without either being sacrificed. And, as much as I love him, I hate that too.

Accomplishment.

I have spent years trying to break down the barrier. I toiled on many a weekend night, under the duress of black lights, loud music and smelly shoes, but never have I succeeded in bowling more than 100 until his past weekend. I bowled 112 and this is quite possibly the apex of my athletic prowess. I think I can die happy now.

"Ciaolin" is the valiant attempt of my cousin's boyfriend to spell my name. When I become a bowling master, I think I will use it as my nom de guerre.

Men are from Mars.

On Friday, Sam and I went to a lecture on Mars Exploration, which is part of a JPL lecture series. I came to a couple of realizations:

1.) NASA/JPL have an easy sell. The speaker managed a great lecture without a single equation (or reference to an equation). The graphics and pictures were stunning. The motivation, execution and results were all perfectly explained and validated. I was also pleased that the speaker addressed the human-based mission to Mars as an endeavor based on prestige where science came second. I loathe people who make the claim that vanity science projects are for anything other than pride. So don't give me the whole spiel that a human arm is far superior to a robot arm, 'cause you don't spend that kind of money to get a better working arm. Overall, with the sales-package they have, how can NASA/JPL not have the support for their research that they need.

2.) Since they have an easy sell, but are still having problems with funding what does it mean for the rest of us? The funding for NASA/JPL is taking hits like the rest of us. They have been given a mission and a woeful amount of money to spend on achieving that mission. What does that mean for the rest of us? We have equations in our talks, our pictures aren't nearly as pretty as their pictures, even the vanity aspect doesn't have the same caliber as a human mission to Mars (and I think the whole project is ridiculous). Yes, we can probe the conditions of the universe at its early stages. Yes, we are trying to understand the most basic components of matter and how they interact. I am just a little nervous that not everyone can see how remarkable it is and, worse yet, not want to fund it.

Members Only

Last night I became a "studio member" of the Pasadena Museum of California Art. It is a tiny museum, a short distance from my apartment, with only space for about 4 exhibitions. Honestly, I wouldn't even know of its existence had a friend not invited me to the opening of a Gary Baseman exhibition. You know you are in for an interesting mix of art when the patrons in attendance vary between senior citizens in suits and ties to young artists in ripped jeans and flip flops. True to form, the art ranged from turn of the century impressionism (I'm usually not a fan of the Impressionists, but some of the paintings by Alson Skinner Clark charmed me) to that of Gary Baseman. I believe his style is called "lowbrow" (or so my friend informed me), but really it is a cartoon aesthetic as art. The artist, who was very nice and totally unassuming, gave us a cerebral explanation of his art – physical representations of the past, hope, desire and dirty little secrets, etc. – which gave the art more depth, but I still wanted to ask: Why? Why represent such serious topics with cutesy caricatures? What is the artistic value in that endeavor? Since I have a feeling artists aren't so interested in having that discussion on their opening night, I thought it would be more appropriate to smile and nod my head.

Swag

NOVA swag is good swag. I just got a very cute hipster tee from NOVA for looking pensive while writing on a clipboard. Not a bad exchange in my book.

With every new Einstein quote that people dig up, I continue to be astounded. His statements about the human condition and its relationship with science are never earth shattering but they are profound enough to merit a moment of reflection. I don't understand how physics gets such a bad reputation with him as our poster-child. Is it the hair? Or is it that actual physicists are such a disappointment in comparison? Can any of us really live up to the image?

p.s. The NOVA show airs on Oct. 11 at 8pm, where, in addition to me looking pensive, there will be actual science discussed.

Alterations

I have discovered Photoshop. This weekend I was working through my pictures from my trip to Asia and wanted them to reflect what I remembered not what I actually saw. Thankfully, Photoshop users, like Mac users, are a dedicated bunch. With a little bit of Googling, you can find a package for every thing you want to do without the hassle of actually learning how to do it. My realization: I can continue taking really crappy pictures and no one will be the wiser. From here on out all my skies will be a deep shade of azure blue and all the plants and trees will be a super-saturated green. Sam has dubbed my technique: She tells the colors what they should be rather than what they are. Who needs talent when you can have Photoshop? And, honestly, who wants to sit around waiting for the perfect light, when you can just fake it? Will you really remember the difference when you look back on the picture years later? Probably not.

Title: Yes, there is a reason that they flew half-way around the world to film Lara Croft: Tomb Raider in Cambodia and you're looking at it.

Then I started going a little crazy with the Photoshop. Who hasn't wanted to own a fish-eye lens but can't afford either the camera or the actual lens? Fancy camera and lens, you are needed no more.

Title: No, not brown and dry ... we like to call them golden.

Thank heavens.

Today, I had a moment of glee at the expense of others. Bad, Caolionn, bad.

Some new graduate students arrived at Caltech today to begin their two-week onslaught of orientation before starting classes. In passing, it was mentioned a desire to begin studying. Having left my over-achieving ways back in college (okay, really, high-school), I responded with a perplexed look of why are you studying if classes haven't even started yet?! Then they mentioned that they will be taking their qualifying exam next month. Backdrop for those of you who passed on grad school for a "real" job: the qualifying exam tends to be this all encompassing exam, which you must pass in order to progress in your studies. The type of exam varies between institutions, some no longer have the requirement, but for those that do, it tends to bring a lot of stress and generally sucks.

It was at this point I held back a grin of glee realizing I don't have to take a stupid qualifying exam. I am done with all those tests. And then I did a Dance of Joy.* In my head. I am not that evil. Misery may love company, but company is positively ecstatic not to be riding shot-gun with misery.

* If this reference is lost on you - Sorry, but you missed a pop-culture phenomenon called "Perfect Strangers" and the show was way too cheezy to merit a DVD release. Just scream BALKI! and no one will be the wiser of your ignorance.

THE little THINGS

So it sort of hit me (and Sam) this weekend. We miss the little things from up north. This really became apparent when I came home from work on Thursday and Sam was watching the football game with his ex-roommate via webcam. Yes, they were watching the game separately, but enjoying the shared experience via iSight. A little odd, I will grant you, but I can understand the sentiment. We have always maintained separate lives to a certain degree, something we both think is important in a relationship, but lately it has just been us two. All. The. Time.

I miss not having a workout buddy on Tuesday and Thursday. I miss not having girlfriends to spend the evening sharing a bottle of wine (or three) and dinner chatting about the everyday things. I miss not having my friend in the city always ready and willing to go out have a few drinks at the corner bar (provided, of course, I was his wing-man). I miss not having a bridge group I knew would never get mad at me for a stupid mistake and I miss casually shooting the s**t with my friend from another department at work. I miss my friends and little things that make my life uniquely mine.

Since arriving down south, I have been grateful for other little things. Meeting my sister for lunch, going to my parents house for Sunday brunch, getting to attend birthday parties for both my nephews. But I am greedy. I want it all and I am a little sad I don't get it.

Impulse Purchase.

I am a sucker for the impulse purchase. I have heard of will power, but we don't really have much of a relationship. True to form, I was at the grocery store and purchased Wired magazine yesterday, mostly because I was in the line long enough I started reading the articles. One of the articles was a scientific probe on superpowers. Apparently, a physics professor at the University of Minnesota, James Kakalios, is publishing a book appropriately titled, The Physics of Superheroes, which gives physics-based explanations for the supernatural powers of leaping tall building in a single-bound, etc. I kid you not.

Now, I am all for getting the public interested in physics, but is this the way? Am I missing something, since I clearly don't make the 13-year-old boy demographic? I thought the fantasy aspect of comics made them appealing for escapism. Why try to root them in reality and tie it to the fundamental principles of physics?

About Time.

It has only taken seven years, but, finally, Harry Potter can now be purchased (legally) as an audio file. You can go for a run with Harry, take him on vacation, or fall asleep at night with him whispering in your ear.

It is at times like this that I wonder: How did the world exist without the modern-day miracle of the iPod? How were people entertained without the myriad of voices produced by Jim Dale? Really everything has been an empty shell of existence that I call my life waiting for this day to come.

And now I have to wait until payday. $249.00 for the complete set. Come on! Haven't you people made enough money already? You are heartless and cruel and I curse your shiny new Ferraris with flat tires.

Other things to ponder: When did I become such a nut job about all things Harry Potter? It is at this point I feel compelled to explain I also read critically respected works of fiction. Since I tend to judge a person's character and intelligence on their tastes in literature, I would like to point out that Shelby Foote's Shiloh is on my night-stand and, I swear, is in the process of being read. Granted, it is sitting on top of last week's issue of Us Weekly, but we won't pay any attention to that fact.

Public Service Announcement.

Specifically directed to the physics students (AP & honors) of Ravenwood High School in Williamson County (GO RAPTORS!):

Study physics. I realize it may seem worthless to you right now, but I promise physics will actually come in use one day. Even if you become a lawyer, a consultant or investment banker – you will use physics. No, you will not be solving the projectile motion of a telephone as you throw it at the really annoying coworker nor will you be using the principles of electrodynamics aside from the light switch, but something much more useful. You will learn how to think.

Through physics you will learn the life skill of being given a problem and then logically and systematically solving that problem. Granted, they teach you this life skill through really tedious examples of balls flying through the air, but, trust me, the problems get much more interesting the further you get. Once you have approached enough problems, once you have been hit with all levels of difficulty, you begin to approach all problems, inside and outside physics, with the same technique. Define the problem, define the known variables, define the unknown variables, chart a plan of attack, solve and then bask in glory of greatness.

It may seem really simple and obvious. You might believe that you can learn this technique anywhere and you could be right. But when you are applying for jobs later and your transcript shows you have succeeded in difficult physics courses, it is a concrete statement to your potential employer that you not only know that technique, but, damn it, you're good at it, too.

In the meantime, continue the over-achieving bit, that's always a winner.

Weekend Reading.

So it hit me this weekend: the only similarity between my last experiment and the new one I am joining is that somewhere in the mix an accelerator is involved. And, really, not even the same kind of accelerator. I realize it might not seem like a very big difference, but an electron accelerator (SLAC) is a completely different beast than an ion accelerator (BNL). For example, I have never heard of a RFQ (radio frequency quadrupole) until Thursday. Apparently, RFQs are kinda crucial for accelerating the ions at low energy – who knew? I can assure you, not the girl who did her thesis on an electron accelerator. In my defense, RFQs are mentioned only once briefly in my accelerator book, so I am not a total f**k up.

Then there is the whole polarizing thing. Honestly, I haven't looked at polarizing electrons since my quantum class when I got to make all the little up and down arrows for my homework. My entire knowledge of the subject is based on two homework assignments and now it will occupy my life for, at least, the next two years.

So I have been giving myself little pep talks. It is good to leave that which you know. It forces you to grow and think like a physicist rather than just be a physicist. All too often a scientist will join an experiment and then stay there for their entire career. The experiment is lucky because they become irreplaceable with the amount of knowledge and know-how they have, but I think the person gets too good and often doesn't have to go back to basics to see a problem from new eyes. I didn't want that for myself, at least, not now. I wanted to be able to feel comfortable in a totally different experiment, not just my own.

I say this, but, then again, I would kill to be able to read one paper right now without having to look up all sorts of jargon. Also I think the person who first initiated the use of acronyms in scientific papers without properly defining said acronyms should be shot or, at least, be burned in effigy. That's just not cool.

Small

Every day worries seem a bit egocentric at the moment. To help a person or two and maybe feel a little less small in the world:

Red Cross

I realize earmarked donations aren't as effective as general ones, but, for those of us far from the gulf coast, it is one of the few ways to help directly.

And not to mother y'all, but should you live in a region known for national disasters (earthquakes, hurricanes, etc.) – do you have a plan?

If no, get one.